Perez is Baleistic

Poor Gareth Bale, if there wasn't enough pressure on him in north London, it's quadrupled since he finally secured his record breaking move to the Spanish capital. After a transfer saga that lasted the entirety of the transfer season, the 85 million pound was officially unveiled on deadline day, only to be greeted by chants of "don't sell Ozil, don't sell Ozil". By then, speculation was ripe that Ozil was on his way to the emirates, and as was evident, the fans were less than happy with the link.  The chants were not directed at the Welshman rather at Florentino Perez, the President of the Club. 

Perez is famous for issuing the era of the Galacticos in is first term in-charge, in his first term of Presidency he aquired te signatures of stalwarts of the game, Zidane, Figo, Luiz Ronaldo, an Beckham to name a few. The strategy was simple, each season, the club would buy one marquee signing, a global face that would add to overall popularity of the club. This business strategy brought in relative success as well as the global popularity the Real Madrid hierarchy hoped to achieve. In order to balance the books, players that seemed to be working under the radar were not as glitzy as the big names were sold. The biggest example of such a sale was that of Claude Makelele. The 'Makelele to Chelsea' transfer raised a lot of eyebrows within and outside the locker room, with players as well as fans perplexed as to why he was sold. Suffice to say, Makelele went on to become one of the best defensive midfielders in the world at Chelsea.

Perez's second era at the helm of Real Madrid can be seen as the era of the new- age Galacticos, so far, he has signed and released Kaka, while Benzema, Alonso, Modric and Cristiano Ronaldo still walk out on the field with the Real Madrid logo on their chest. Bale's acquisition can be seen as another galactico addition. Again the whole cycle of balancing the books took place, this time the one who faced the axe wasn't a defensive minded player, rather the best play-maker the club had, Mesut Ozil. The transfer of the German to the Arsenal has given rise to the same doubts the Madrid faithful harbored during Perez's first term.

Since his move to the Spanish Capital at the age of 21, Ozil went on to provide the most number of assists in all of Europe, eclipsing the likes of David Silva, Frank Ribery and even Lionel Messi. 'Ozil to Arsenal' has created the same ripples within the locker room as the sale of Makelele, with players such as Sergio Ramos and Alvaro Arbeloa publicly expressing their discontent. Cristiano Ronaldo has perhaps been the most vocal about his shock at hearing the news, after all, many of his goals can be attributed to the killer pass laid out by the German International. In the crudest of language, Ozil is to Ronaldo what Iniesta is to Messi, or at least that was the case last season. This season Ronaldo will have to form an understanding with either Bale or Isco, whoever occupies the play-maker role.

Going back to how this affects Gareth Bale, for one, his world record transfer had been grabbing the headlines everyday except for the day that his transfer was officially confirmed. The shock value of Arsene Wenger's dramatic deadline day swoop was enough to oust the Bale saga of the front page. How this adds pressure on Bale is because his transfer to Madrid signaled the end of Ozil's career. And filling the shoes of a firm fan favourite is not an easy task especially if you have cost exactly double the amount of money earned from the other's transfer. Add to that the fact that the amount paid by Madrid to get their man is enough to feed a whole country in Africa for at least a week and you know that he is in a tough spot. 

There He Goes... Again!

It's that time of the year again when the hottest talent in the world of kicking a ball comes around to see who's got the best negotiator. And this year hasn't failed to disappoint. There has been every sort of drama the transfer market would like to see and its still 2 days to closure, or as the fans call it rumour time for january.

So we say Samuel Eto'o join chelsea about 5 years after calling them crap. That should bear well for the blues. Flamini is back in arsenal shoes, which just leaves them with needing a keeper, a center back, 2 full-back, a central mdifield, an all english breakfast, some sushi, a pair of pyjamas, an aircraft and 3 pots of gold on the back of Megan Fox away from the title. They are always one bad performance away from "Wenger suxxx man!! #fail" statuses on facebook. Loyalty died in 2008. Then there is Gareth Bale, who has to be the ugliest squirm on the planet to have that much money thrown at him. All that for a left foot. Madrid's current offer is 100 million euros, Di maria, local women from Mallorca, 6 freshly hatched chickens and the Starship Enterprise (because we need to cater to trekkies too). Its hilarious that London has Bale advertising for Lucozade. Bale posters have the unique purpose of scaring drunks on a Tuesday night, who mistake it for a signal from the planet of the apes.

David Moyes has proved in the transfer market that he is the singular polite guy in Scotland. Anyone else from that frigid country (ah! pun) would just walk up to the Everton toffee house, give mints to Roberto Martinez and walk out with giant Baines-Fellaini shaped holes in the doors of Goodison Park (i think that's where Everton play). Madrid decided to buy funny sounding names. I mean Isco, really? the comedy practically writes itself, if you're from Punjab (read: birmingham).

So what will happen till the end of the market. Lets feature uneducated guesses because hey its free. Modric to United. Because his role at Real is to make sure the roofs  are fine. geremi might go to bursaspor (thats my attempt to sound well researched). and jose mourinho will blame birds for his troubles. Something like that. Wait for our in-depth coverage of transfer deadline day frenzies. 

South- American Southpaws

Today the resident Neanderthal had a light bulb moment. Since we are ‘Clipping The Post’ (not telling you how many ‘we’ means), we decided to turn the spot- kick to (see what we did there?) 2 very dapper gentlemen who have a longstanding relationship with the woodwork, our men Luis Suarez and Carlos Tevez or better known as the ‘Racist Vampire’ and ‘Momma’s Boy’ (source: Wikipedia............. no not really).

So the Racist Vampire, who shall be rechristened RV for the sake of saving space, is trying to orchestrate a move to the land of tiki- taka. Apparently life in England has left him wanting more. He feels ridiculed and hated. To many, why RV is hated so much may seem like a conundrum, but the hippie at ‘Clipping The Post’ (that’s 2 members, are there more?) has a very simple yet astute answer in as many words “ he bites and he hates black people... oh wait not to forget his hands of god.” For those who didn’t get the ‘hands of god’ reference here’s a hint; 2010 world cup, Uruguay Vs Ghana, so you might as well Google it.

Anyhow, getting back to point, the old man in Madrid who loves to spend his fans’ money has expressed interest in RV (not the van but the player), and he is willing to fork out as much as €50 million to persuade the red team of Merseyside, who’s manager by the way, sees Kolo Toure (32) as a long term replacement to Jamie Carragher (35).

In other news, a certain team in a city which is famed for its fashion week (god knows how the nerd at CTP knows that) was all set to buy MB (hopefully you understand who that is). But said club can now look back and only wonder as it seems MB has secured a move to the team that prides itself in being called the ‘old lady’, a concept that is alien to those in Milan.  The player in question, who happens to hail from the America that lies in the south of the equator, has been trying to engineer a move away from the oil rich side of Manchester because he misses home. Surely a move to Italy satisfies his wishes.

What has this man not tried, he’s cried himself a river, and even thrown a tantrum like the man-child he comes across to be, only to apologise 3 months later and get back pitch-side looking as if he was in his third trimester. MB finally seems to be going home to Argentina... oh wait! Correction he is going to Italy which is home for a man born and raised in Argentina, and all this for a sum of €15 million.

        

Now that so much has been written about these 2 very dapper gentlemen, we at CTP would like to issue a disclaimer. The alleged humour in this article is not intended to harm the feelings of any animal; especially white bunny rabbits. As far as harming the feelings of humans is concerned, look around, there are a lot more things that could harm you. Think about those.