South- American Southpaws

Today the resident Neanderthal had a light bulb moment. Since we are ‘Clipping The Post’ (not telling you how many ‘we’ means), we decided to turn the spot- kick to (see what we did there?) 2 very dapper gentlemen who have a longstanding relationship with the woodwork, our men Luis Suarez and Carlos Tevez or better known as the ‘Racist Vampire’ and ‘Momma’s Boy’ (source: Wikipedia............. no not really).

So the Racist Vampire, who shall be rechristened RV for the sake of saving space, is trying to orchestrate a move to the land of tiki- taka. Apparently life in England has left him wanting more. He feels ridiculed and hated. To many, why RV is hated so much may seem like a conundrum, but the hippie at ‘Clipping The Post’ (that’s 2 members, are there more?) has a very simple yet astute answer in as many words “ he bites and he hates black people... oh wait not to forget his hands of god.” For those who didn’t get the ‘hands of god’ reference here’s a hint; 2010 world cup, Uruguay Vs Ghana, so you might as well Google it.

Anyhow, getting back to point, the old man in Madrid who loves to spend his fans’ money has expressed interest in RV (not the van but the player), and he is willing to fork out as much as €50 million to persuade the red team of Merseyside, who’s manager by the way, sees Kolo Toure (32) as a long term replacement to Jamie Carragher (35).

In other news, a certain team in a city which is famed for its fashion week (god knows how the nerd at CTP knows that) was all set to buy MB (hopefully you understand who that is). But said club can now look back and only wonder as it seems MB has secured a move to the team that prides itself in being called the ‘old lady’, a concept that is alien to those in Milan.  The player in question, who happens to hail from the America that lies in the south of the equator, has been trying to engineer a move away from the oil rich side of Manchester because he misses home. Surely a move to Italy satisfies his wishes.

What has this man not tried, he’s cried himself a river, and even thrown a tantrum like the man-child he comes across to be, only to apologise 3 months later and get back pitch-side looking as if he was in his third trimester. MB finally seems to be going home to Argentina... oh wait! Correction he is going to Italy which is home for a man born and raised in Argentina, and all this for a sum of €15 million.

        

Now that so much has been written about these 2 very dapper gentlemen, we at CTP would like to issue a disclaimer. The alleged humour in this article is not intended to harm the feelings of any animal; especially white bunny rabbits. As far as harming the feelings of humans is concerned, look around, there are a lot more things that could harm you. Think about those.